Where did the color go?

It was a pleasant house in a nice suburban neighborhood. It was not a large house, yet it was not a small house. It was simply a medium sized house and looked like every house on the street. As I looked out the window, I saw only gray. Where did the color go? When did it dissappear from my sight? Was it when I married the man who would become my husband? The boring man who I choose because he was safe. Or maybe it happened even earlier than that. I think back to college. It was the time of my life. It was also when I met the love of my life. I remember how time stopped when I first looked at her. It was as if nothing existed except us. I had never believed in true love, but, when I met her, I knew it was true. I knew at that moment I could never live without her.

Our relationship was the passionate relationship that everyone dreamed of. It was like a summer romance that never ended. We loved each other with a love that existed no where else in the world. We were together all throughout college and I had never been so happy. I know that it sounds cliche, but it was the truth. The love I had for her transcended all I ever knew. I knew that I needed nothing else in life, but her. And it was like that for a while. It was the two of us in our perfect world. Yet, it all came crashing down that fateful night.

It was raining. She was out late and I was at our apartment. We had been together for years and were celebrating our anniversary. Yet, she was late. I remember having the table decorated with a fancy feast and lit candles. I kept looking at the time, watching as the minutes passed by and eventually the hours. My life ended when I got the call. It was a mugging that went bad. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am very sorry for your loss. All those things were told to me by the police. None of it made me feel better. I had lost my reason for living and the love of my life. They handed me a box and told me that it was in her purse. I opened the small box to see a beautiful diamond ring daintily sitting there. It was then that it truly hit me. Our entire future, everything that we were supposed to be and do, was gone. All my hopes had faded with her and all that was left of the life we had together was that ring and my memories.

Yes, now that I think about it, all the color faded from my world right then. I passed through life as a shadow of who I once was. I was right. I could not live without her, at least not happily. It took years for me to start dating. I stayed away from women, they all reminded me of her. I married the first man who was kind to me. We got married and moved into the suburbs. I became the trophy wife and he became the bread winner. It was typical and bland, but I could honestly care less. What was life without her? Who was I without her? As I sat and looked around at my empty kitchen, I felt that it reflected my life. It was empty too. I never did have kids with my husband because the only person I ever wanted to have children with died all those years ago. I pulled the necklace from my neck and held the ring at the end of the chain in my hands. I wore it every day since that night. I wanted to always keep her with me. I had just found out that my husband was sleeping with another. I could not blame him. I never truly showed him much affection. I had nothing tethering me to this life on Earth. As I looked out the window, I realized that there was nothing for me here. I knew what I was going to do. It was in that moment I decided it was time. I had been too long without her and my heart could take it no longer. The first time I saw color again was when I saw the light and knew that she was there waiting for me.

#love #loss #existence #color #dissapear #anniversary